Anxious About Military Parade, China Deploys Crack Team of Monkeys

Officials have ordered that there be no peeking from your window in Beijing when troops march along on Thursday, marking 70 years since the end of World War II. Remove scissors from offices near the parade. No cooking on gas stoves. No spontaneous crowds gawking on sidewalks. Even stray birds are a gnawing worry for officials. But the Air Force says it has deployed a solution to any birds that might foul up the engines of fighter jets involved in the parade: vandalistic monkeys.
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